Just a few thoughts...
	A man went into his doctor’s office. The doctor said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is you have 24 hours to live." The man said, "How is that good news? What’s the bad news?" The doctor said, "I forgot to tell you this yesterday."

A woman was standing on a sidewalk beside a dog. A man came up to her and said, "What a beautiful dog. Does your dog bite?" "No, never," said the lady. "My dog doesn’t bite." The man reached down to pet the dog and it bit him hard. "Hey! I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite," said the main. "Well, that’s not my dog," replied the lady.

At a university psychology student’s program, there was a class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some perimeters," said the instructor, "what is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said a student from Oklahoma. "What is the opposite of depression?" "Elation," said a student from Michigan. "Then tell me the opposite of woe," said the instructor. The student from Texas jumped up and shouted out, "Giddy up!"

Why do chicken coops have two doors? Because if they had four, it would be a chicken sedan!

A not very bright young man ran over his cat with a lawn mower and cut its tail off. He screamed, "I have to rush this cat to Wal-Mart!" Someone said, "Why?" "Because," he said, "they’re the largest re-tail-er in the world."

What do you call an empty "Cheese Whiz" jar?
Cheese was!